


TF2 Pantheon of Gods

by 1126



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Team Fortress 2 Fusion, Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24868066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1126/pseuds/1126
Summary: A playful look at everyone's favorite mercenaries as divine beings in a pantheon of deities. One part canon, one part fanon, and a whole lot made up.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 89





	1. Engineer

Literally 'one who operates a clever invention,' Engineer was the exalted master craftsman of the pantheon, a prolific inventor who could not resist a problem and a god of great knowledge and learning who provided practical assistance to those who asked him of it. He could fix anything, thanks to a golden wrench which hung from his belt. Yet what made mercenaries remember him was not so much his intelligence and ingenuity, but his even temper and friendly nature. In the bloodstained era of the great Gravel War, his mildness was remarkable. This, coupled with his talent for talking reason into fury, meant unfortunates who had unwittingly offended one or more of the other gods could petition him to intercede on their behalf.

He was a skilled worker associated with the fires of the forge and of creation, credited with inventing the Sentry Gun, the Dispenser, and the Teleporter, and subsequently introducing them to his followers. Also a god of justice who valued honesty, he relentlessly pursued doers of wrong - often with the aid of the fire god Pyro – and was sympathetic to the plight of victims of treachery.

It was said that Engineer's father raised him in a bee cave, teaching him the art of metalwork and regaling him with stories of the mercenaries who warred nearby. Once expert in his craft, the young god tried to leave; he intended to see the outside world and the mercenaries he'd heard about for himself, that he might share with them his knowledge and aid them in their battles. His father objected however, and a vicious fight broke out between the two. Only at the cost of his right hand did he emerge the victor, such was the violence. He fashioned a replacement out of iron and went out to meet those who would become the first of his followers.

As guardian of the promised word, to break an oath sworn in Engineer's name was to commit a crime against him.


	2. Scout

According to Mercenary mythology, Scout's tale began in the great city of Boston where, jealous of his swift-footedness, his seven brothers drove him out, exiling him from his homeland and condemning him to a life of wandering. Constantly in motion, he fulfilled his role as herald and messenger for the gods perfectly.

Speed and agility incarnate, Scout was also the youngest of the Teufort deities, a boy god who did nothing to hide his enthusiasm for the ladies and whose frequent pranks were a source of endless annoyance to the other gods. His antics were of a purely playful nature however, as opposed to Spy, the god of deceit, and his malevolence. Though his cocksure personality and overconfidence in his abilities often got him into trouble, tales about his exploits reveal a god who was willing to risk great peril in order to assist his comrades.

Scout is portrayed as an energetic youth bearing an aluminum baseball bat which he carries in his right hand and employs at his pleasure. He ran as though he was flying, fleet as thought, and his emblem, winged footwear, was symbolic of his speed. In times of war he consumed a magical elixir whose mystical properties granted him additional agility, a practice his followers emulated by way of consuming Bonk! Atomic Punch.

The nature of Scout's origins meant that mercenaries associated him with physical transit, voyage, and the traveler, over whose well-being he exercised great power. Trade routes and quiet country roads alike throughout the realm of Teufort were dotted with his shrines and statues, that they might comfort the weary traveler and assure him of his Scout's guardianship; those anticipating a journey would have done well to make an offering to him. His comparative age meant he was also patron deity of youths on the metaphorical journey from boy to man.

Though not the strongest of the gods, he was undeniably popular, idolized by his followers and faithfully called upon for fleet feet. His animal was the swift and agile hare, and baseball tournaments were held in his honor.


	3. Pyro

Legend has it that when the great smith god Engineer left his forge unattended, the divine embers therein conspired to birth Pyro who burst forth fully formed and fully armed from the flames. A fire god on principle, he was capable of both creating and controlling his element, and incidents of mysterious arson were routinely attributed to him.

Origins aside, Pyro was largely a mystery to the world of mercenaries; his cult was highly secretive and the location of his center of worship unknown. The face beneath his mask had never been seen - not even by his fellow gods - and he was sometimes referred to as the Faceless One. Those who worshiped him were equally enigmatic, dressing and speaking in such a way that made it difficult to determine gender.

Engineer was thought to be his closest friend and ally, a belief which may have stemmed from stories in which he is branded a monster and a demon by the other deities before the inventor god comes to his defense and persuades them otherwise. Engineer also held the distinction of being the only one who could understand the otherwise unintelligible god of fire, and wherever one is depicted it is not uncommon to see the other.

Pyro's uncanny ability to sense the Machiavellian chicanery of Spy meant that he served as the main buffer between the god of stealth and the trouble he caused for the other deities, and it was in this manner that he ultimately earned their trust.


	4. Heavy

Chief god of the Teufort pantheon, Heavy was a towering behemoth of brute strength and destruction, one whose mere presence induced such dreadful intimidation that even friends and allies blanched at his approach. Iron was as straw to him such was his might, and there were those who dare not mention him by name lest they attract his unwanted attention. Armed with a powerful minigun, he made for a formidable enemy, though his unbridled joy in bloodshed and carnage caused some followers to question whether they ought to be placing their trust in such a violent deity.

Ironically it was Medic, god of healing, who was Heavy's most constant companion, the two functioning as a single unit time and again throughout a great number of narratives. Because the two represent fundamental opposites, the exact reason for their outstanding camaraderie is not known, though marked similarities in their shadow traits is one possible explanation. Regardless, mercenaries considered their alliance nothing less than legendary, and their rapport the epitome of comradeship.

Concerning Heavy's origins, accounts vary from story to story. In some he is birthed by a great bear, while in others by the ice-locked mountains of Russia itself, to be nursed and raised by the beasts. In any case he carried with him a bear's pelt, and it was by donning this pelt that he could transform into one. This and his association with the Russian wild made him all the more fearsome in the eyes of mercenaries. For all the terror he instilled, however, his disposition was ordinarily one of calm and joviality, and he broke into tempestuous rages for which he was so well known only when thoroughly provoked. It was with this same ferocity that he protected those he loved and cared about.

Offerings of Sandviches appeased him, and his image is the most common of all the Teufort gods.


	5. Medic

Though seemingly benevolent in appearance - clothed in purest white, a dove drowsing on one shoulder - Medic was a god of duality, and there resided in his character a terrible darkness.

Blood sacrifice was routine within his cult, and in the event there was some offense committed against him he was only too happy to punish the offender. In one horrifying tale a mercenary was so bold as to profess the utter uselessness of Medic's protection, claiming his strength was as tempered steel. He was found dead soon after, his mangled corpse having been relieved of its entire skeletal system by means unknown. Painful physical deformity, mysterious illness, and the onset of disease which even the most learned and experienced of physicians could not treat were just as likely alternatives, and it was said that Medic slept very well with the knowledge of the suffering his torment caused.

Conversely, as a god of pharmacy and healing, he kept the secrets of medicine and was the one to whom miraculous healing was always credited. Mercenaries prayed to him for protection against injury in combat, and those who pledged fealty for life were allegedly rewarded with uncanny regenerative abilities and an ear for the cries of wounded teammates no matter how loud the surrounding din of battle, something that no doubt proved to be both blessing and curse, and something which further testifies to the dual nature of this god.

In fables his best known exploits involve conferring invulnerability, the most notable example being his shielding the entire pantheon from harm in the war against the legions of the elder god Gray Mann.

Incessant prayers angered and annoyed him, and he was much more likely to favor those who showed kindness to his animal, the dove, which he held sacred and which served as his messenger. Artwork frequently depicts him in their company, and temples and shrines built in his honor were places of sanctuary for the birds; to kill or injure one was considered criminal and punishable by death.


	6. Soldier (R.I.P. Rick May, 1940 - 2020)

Though technically a god of warfare, Soldier was identified less with conflict and bloodshed and more with bravery, honor, loyalty, and military duty, called upon for strength and courage in combat, and believed to aid his followers personally on the battlefield.  
Texts describe him as a proud leader and expert tactician who placed emphasis on discipline and considered it essential to military success. In image he is portrayed wearing a helmet and, rather than any distinguishing military garb the might suggest superiority, only standard regimentals, his beliefs in brotherhood, uniformity, and the bonds between mercenaries in times of war being absolute.

Smaller in statue than Heavy but just as fierce, he was a superb fighter who seemingly knew no fear, the only one brave enough to face the aforesaid god of destruction before whose rage all others fled. Though both were deities connected with war, Soldier had no time for senseless slaughter and did not share the bloodthirstiness of Heavy, preferring instead to savor the bravery and daring of the battlefield. Backstabbing and underhanded tactics were dishonorable in his eyes, and as such he did not entirely care for the stealthiest of his fellow gods.

Most stories about him tell of his extremely erratic behavior in battle, a strategy he used to confuse his enemies and cause them to second-guess their own tactics, as disorienting as the prey which throws itself headlong into the jaws of the predator. Even though witnessing the Soldier in combat reminded one of a man who had all but lost his mind, ironically it was he who was beseeched to ward off the damaging psychological effects of war.

Being guardian deity of the fallen, it angered him to see the dead buried without honor, regardless of team affiliation or class. All the days of remembrance belonged to him, and he was thought to preside over the funerals of mercenaries and the inauguration of new ones alike.

His weapon is the rocket launcher, and the eagle, a creature associated by mercenaries with triumph and strength, is his animal.


	7. Sniper

An unusually remote deity, said to dwell in the sky or on mountaintops where he picks off his enemies with a scope rifle. Once marked for death one could never hope to outrun or hide from his crosshairs as he possessed keen vision and, acting as a kind of lookout, kept watch everywhere and at all times. According to popular belief, mugs of fresh coffee left out in offering would tempt him down from his lofty abode.

A primordial hunter god of Outback Australia, Sniper's tracking skills were unsurpassed, and mercenaries could enlist him for help in the event a comrade went missing. Likewise, as patron deity of bushmen, he was connected with self-reliance and self-strength, the one to whom mercenaries prayed for wisdom relating to survival and independence. Those who dared brave his territory, the wilderness, could rest easy knowing he kept vigil.

Described as cheerful, friendly, and loyal to those he trusted, the catch was in earning that trust - no easy task given his guarded nature and solitary ways. It was believed he had power over obstacles to success, and those who proved themselves could expect to see such obstacles suddenly removed from their lives namely by way of enemies dropping dead on the spot with nothing to show for it save a peculiar red mark upon the brow...

Mercenary legend tells of a vicious animosity between Sniper and the trickster god Spy, set in motion when the latter managed to ambush the former and scar his face in the brawl that resulted. In some versions of the story, Spy carries out the attack in order to establish superiority within the pantheon while in others it is merely a demonstration of his cunning and espionage skills. In nearly all versions Sniper grows to resent him for it.


	8. Demoman

Easily beguiled by strong drink, Demoman was lord of the alehouse, a god of revelry and banquet, perpetually under the influence, who readily presided over victory celebrations, who welcomed with open arms all mercenaries who earned their keep, and who ensured times of merriment were never soon forgotten. Festivals were often held in his honor.

A master of explosives, he amused himself by planting bombs in strategic locations and lying in wait for his enemies to pass by unawares, his laughter at their stupidity and their mistake realized too late echoing against the sky. As such he was able to help mercenaries avoid the metaphorical landmines of life and a prominent feature of his cult concerned prophecy and foresight. Having lost an eye he was said to possess knowledge of the unseen, and worshipers believed they could learn from him impending disaster and coming success. His wisdom concerning such matters, though rarely dispensed, was profound.

Dozens of tales imply that he and the warfare god Soldier were close allies, probably because Demoman – or 'Demo', as his followers called him - was often invoked to keep up morale on the battlefield, something that the military god would have certainly appreciated.

Items associated with this god included a drinking horn, bottle, and platter. He was also known to own several enchanted possessions, the most extraordinary of which was a sword capable of fighting on its own.


	9. Spy

God of disguise and trickery, inventor of deceit, and the embodiment of stealth. He could assume the appearance of anyone – even the other gods – and was therefore extremely dangerous. His name is sometimes translated to mean 'the unseen,' a testament to his clandestine nature.

Though he had a notorious proclivity for sabotaging Engineer's creative ventures, unfavorable stories about him probably arose mostly from worshipers of the agile boy-god Scout whose mother Spy successfully seduced and who harbored resentment because of it. He was lord of secrets, able to both keep and uncover them, and it was he alone who knew the whereabouts of the fabled Intelligence.

Despite his character, he used his cunning to aid his fellow gods whenever the need arose and often proved pivotal when it came time to rescue them from their own folly and oversights.

In direct contrast to the rugged hunter god Sniper - with whom he shared an intense rivalry - Spy was cultivated and classy in personage, commonly depicted garbed in tasteful finery and associated with all things aristocratic. To smell cigarette smoke was a sure sign of his presence, and his weakness for luxury tobacco of the highest quality and finest flavor - particularly that produced in Europe where his cult center of France was located - was well known.

As he dwelled in shadow, fire invoked in the name of Pyro was thought to keep him at bay, the light drawing unwanted attention and illuminating his true motives. Jars of urine placed around the home also deterred him.


End file.
